jaws5sonofjaws | BITE #I

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BITE #I

[Mart awakens, yawns, and then stretches his arms and legs upon lifting himself from bed. Drowsily, he walks past a mirror in his room... only to run back to it when he notices that one: This isn't his room. These are not his astronaut emblazoned pajama. He doesn't even have pajamas. And two: He's got flat, regular, human teeth!]

What the hell!?

[Mart examines the room further. Everything is all old and crappy, like the kind of stuff you'd see on the TV land channel. Which of course means, not cool.]

A. Phone (Public)

[Mart grabs a nearby phone and tries to call up his witch mother.]

Hey, mom! Is this another weird spell to punish me?

B. Action

[Mart, not wanting to solve this mystery on an angry stomach, will walk outside, in his astronaut pajamas, and find the nearest available person to ask where is a good place to eat around here.

That of course, means you.]

Hey, buddy, where can a guy like me get his weight in burgers around here?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm not your fucking mom.

[BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY MEAN HER SPECIFICALLY]

[Well, isn't this embarrassing!]

I know you ain't my mom.

You sound like a dude.

[THIS IS WHAT SMOKING TWO PACKS A DAY DOES TO YOU EVENTUALLY]

Oh.

My.

God.

You son a bitch, who the fuck do you think you are?

[An honest mistake.... and specified insult.]

I'm Mart 'Bite Your Leg Off' Vineyard.

At least I would if I still had my fucking awesome shark teeth.

What's the deal here, and who are you?

The name's Annie Goldstein. I'm a werewolf. I'm kinda a big fucking deal.

And you've been kidnapped, Fishface, so get used to it.

A werewolf.

That's pretty sweet.

I'm a shark demi-god. I'm a really big fucking deal.

So... if we've been kidnapped who do I have to beat the fuck out of to get out?

[Well Mart, have your not! dad just chillin' on the porch with a beer in his hand. Yes, he starts early. And he doesn't work till later. He quirks an eyebrow at his new not!son]

I think that little diner place with the girls on the little roll-y things is good for a bunch of burgers.

[brief pause]

You don't look like the kid that was in those things yesterday.

[Hi Not!Dad! Mart grins widely]

Girls on roller skates with burgers!? Count me in!

Yeah, hell, I just woke up like this.

... and just who are you anyhow?

The King of Conquerors, Alexander the Great, at your service.

[He'll return the smile]

Sure, I'd be glad to give you an introduction to this place on some burgers.

This place apparently considers us father and son.

[Mart raises a brow.]

Like the guy form the history books?

Who took over the world or something?

... and on top of that, you're now my dad.

Just what the hell, man.

The one and only. The man who wished to see the endless ocean!

Don't worry, I'm not as technologically inept as you would think. I've spent some time in the modern world.

[Loud roar of laughther.]

Yeah... that was my general reaction to coming in this place. Especially since there's a whole bunch of Servants, but no Holy Grail war.

[Distracted by endless ocean of awesome
An endless ocean?

They got something like that here? I could totally go for a dip.

And now you're saying you fought for the Holy Grail? Like Monty Python?

Even though the world's been proven to be round, I'd still like to dip my feet into the oceans on the edge of the world. It'd mean I'd have seen it all, done it all. Conquered everything in between. As such, I'd love to go for a swim in that ocean, too!

[more laughter on his part. He's liking you already, Mart]

Well, Every seven years or so, a bunch of heroic spirits get summoned to fight over the holy grail by their masters and the last ones standing get their wish granted. While I didn't win, I got to experience the modern world for a short time, and had some of the most intense battles of my life.

Who's this Monty Python fellow? Some kind of magus or somethin'?

[Mart is stunned by the awesome.]

Holy crap, that sounds mor epic than the crisis wars of '84.

Any super heroes fight in that one?

And they're British comedians. They did a movie where Arthur tries to find the grail only to be attacked by killer rabbits and French douchebags.

I guess you could call Heroic Spirits that. Though we're kinda bound to our Masters to provide the mana to sustain us. Or some junk. All heroes of legends, with powers to match.

Well, there was a guy called who called himself a King of Heroes. Goldy, Gilgamesh. Whatever you wanna call him. He was one of the two to defeat me. Pretty impressive guy, that. Damn good drinking buddy too. Glad I ran into him here.

Interesting... The King of Knights, thwarted by a mere rabbit? Must be some rabbit. This I've got to see.

You're pretty cool, kid. Waver could learn a thing or two from you, that's for sure.

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Oh boy, here we go!

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